from "The Celestial Omnibus" by E. M. Forster

The boy who resided at Agathox Lodge, 28, Buckingham Park Road, Surbiton, had often been puzzled by the old sign-post that stood almost opposite.  He asked his mother about it, and she replied that it was a joke, and not a very nice one, which had been made many years back by some naughty young men, and that the police ought to remove it.  For there were two strange things about this sign-post:  firstly, it pointed up a blank alley, and, secondly, it had painted on it in faded characters, the words, “To Heaven.”

“What kind of young men were they?” he asked.

“I think your father told me that one of them wrote verses, and was expelled from the University and came to grief in other ways.  Still, it was a long time ago.  You must ask your father about it.  He will say the same as I do, that it was put up as a joke.”

“So it doesn’t mean anything at all?”

She sent him upstairs to put on his best things, for the Bonses were coming to tea, and he was to hand the cake-stand.

It struck him, as he wrenched on his tightening trousers, that he might do worse than ask Mr. Bons about the sign-post.  His father, though very kind, always laughed at him-shrieked with laughter whenever he or any other child asked a question or spoke.  But Mr. Bons was serious as well as kind.  He had a beautiful house and lent one books, he was a churchwarden, and a candidate for the County Council; he had donated to the Free Library enormously, he presided over the Literary Society, and had Members of Parliament to stop with him-in short, he was probably the wisest person alive.

Yet even Mr. Bons could only say that the sign-post was a joke-the joke of a person named Shelley.

“Off course!” cried the mother; “I told you so, dear.  That was the name.”

“Had you never heard of Shelley?” asked Mr. Bons.

“No,” said the boy, and hung his head.

“But is there no Shelley in the house?”

“Why, yes!” exclaimed the lady, in much agitation.  “Dear Mr. Bons, we aren’t such Philistines as that.  Two at the least.  One a wedding present, and the other, smaller print, in one of the spare rooms.”

“I believe we have seven Shelleys,” said Mr. Bons, with a slow smile.  Then he brushed the cake crumbs off his stomach, and, together with his daughter, rose to go.

The boy, obeying a wink from his mother, saw them all the way to the garden gate, and when they had gone he did not at once return to the house, but gazed for a little up and down Buckingham Park Road.


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